#2243
Lita! I have to ask you something
Date: 06/15/2002
From: Tork_110
<GROPE is at a restaurant. They are celebrating Mickey's sanity. While Mickey is eating plenty of soup and the rest of GROPE is elsewhere, Tork is talking to Lita.>
Tork: How would you like a GameCube?
Lita: I would love one!
Tork: Great! That means that Lita42 would like one too.
Lita: Yeah!...Huh?
Tork: I'm going to buy her one to show her how sorry I am for misjudging her.
Lita: (not paying attention) What about me?
Tork: I only need $150 dollars, and so far I have...three bucks.
Lita: Ooh! Let me contribute.
Tork: Ok, now we have four bucks. I wonder how I could get some more...Stealing?
Lita: Don't you dare!
Tork: I was just kidding.
<Lita pouts.>
Tork: Really I was! You see Lita, I respect you a lot. You always try to do the right thing, and I have learned so much from your morals. For instance, I learned that it's ok to torture Egyptian guys if they're bosses call you fat.
Lita: Damn right!
Tork: I even made a bracelet. See?
<Tork shows Lita his "WWC9kD?" bracelet.>
Lita: Wow!
<A woman walks by. She overhears the conversation.>
Woman: Excuse me, but have you seen my boyfriend?
<The woman shows them a photo.>
Lita: Is that him over there?
<The woman's boyfriend walks into a MSTHauntedHouse.>
Tork: Wow! I didn't know they had one of those in this area.
Woman: I better stop him.
Lita: Why bother? Just dump him.
Woman: But he might be late for his job - gambling on cock fights.
Lita: The heck?
Tork: Lita's right. Your boyfriend is a jerk. He doesn't care about animals. He doesn't want to stay faithful to you, and he only cares about sex. You know what you should do? You should ask yourself: What would Carme...(pause)
Lita: Yes?
Tork: Uhh, maybe I should rethink my bracelet.
Lita: HEY!!
Tork_110
Why do these replies take me so long to write?
It's a good thing Tork changed his mind. Otherwise it would have taken forever to explain who C9k was to a total stranger.
#2244
The Search for MSTBlanca Begins.
Date: 06/15/2002
From: wurwolf
<PM, Nabut, Schmoe and wurwolf are standing around outside of a big hole in the ground that was the former home of the asylum.>
Schmoe: So.... where's MSTBlanca?
PM: In Not Europe. Somewhere in North America, to be exact.
Schmoe: Exact?! That is so *not* exact! Damnit, all of my comic books were in there!
wulfie: If we're not at MSTBlanca, how the hell did we get here? And where exactly *is* here?
Schmoe: Serves you right for taking such a long break from the rp. You left us at the mercy of those motherf***ing GROPErs! Now all we know is we're not in Mexico any more, we have no idea where we are, and I'm missing some comic books! <pouts> The latest Batgirl was in there and I didn't finish reading it.
wulfie: Don't get your boxers in a bunch, you. Even worse than your f***ing comic books, Cow has been stolen away from us! <glares at PM>
PM: Ha, now you know better than to trust me. No honor among thieves, you know!
wulfie: Yeah, I know now, you jerk. So where are we? And do you know how to find MSTBlanca again?
Schmoe: Yeah, f***er! I demand to know where we are!
PM: Calm down, you rude little man. Nabut is working on it right now. Nabut?
<Nabut has been punching buttons on a hand-held device and moving around in a big circle. The device whistles loudly and then emits a series of beeps.>
Nabut: According to my calculations, we are in New Bedford, Massachussetts.
<PM, Schmoe and wurwolf stare at Nabut.>
Nabut: What? That's what my latitudinal locating/tracking/teleportation device says.
wulfie: New Bedford, Massachussetts? How did we get here?
<Nabut shrugs.>
PM: Okay, so where's MSTBlanca?
<Nabut flips a switch and punches in more buttons. After a few minutes he comes up with the answer....>
Nabut: Weatherford, Texas. Looks like that's as far as MSTBlanca could go before it totally gave out.
PM: That's no problem, we'll just use the teleportation mode and then we're back in business. <looks at Schmoe and wurwolf> And don't even think about it -- there is no way I'm letting you two teleport with us. <smirks> You'll just have to find your own way to MSTBlanca! Mwahahahahaha!
wulfie: You know, you can be a really evil c***sucker when you want to be. Why must you direct all of your ire at me? With everyone else you're totally inept.
PM: I beg your pardon! I am the ultimate pulp villian! <pulls out his wallet and shows Schmoe and wurwolf his Pulp Villian Club President ID card. He's got a cheery smile in the picture.> See!
wulfie: Then I'm gonna call them and tell them what a f***ing screw-up you are. <turns to Schmoe> So hon, are you telling me that we've got to go all the way to Texas to get to MSTBlanca? Can't we just buy new comic books?
Schmoe: Nope, we can't. The first edition of True Stories, Swear to God was in there! Plus all the new Batgirls and the one about the dead kids who turned into detectives and --
wulfie: Okay, I get the picture. *Fine*, we'll go to MSTBlanca, but then we have to find the cow. Understood?
Schmoe: Yeah, whatever, motherf***er. How are we going to get to Texas, though? Greyhound bus?
wulfie: <grins> Even better! Any minute now.....
<Everyone looks at wurwolf, who continues to grin back at them.>
Schmoe: Hon. Are you high? What are you doing?
<A half hour later, wurwolf is still standing there with a stupid "Wait'll you see!" grin on her face. PM and Nabut are playing cards, Schmoe is reading a book. Suddenly, a black Volkswagen beetle pulls up, flashes its lights and beeps!>
PM: Do you have any quee-- Huh? How did your car get here?
wulfie: My car knows where I am at all times! It's been tracking me for days, and now it's here! Yay!
Schmoe: Cool, it's like Knight Rider! I wanna call it Kit! Make it call me Michael, hon! Do it do it do it!
wulfie: <with a look of disgust> Gross, hon. You really creep me out sometimes. <turns to PM and Nabut> See! We don't need your stupidy stinky old teleportation device! We've got a boss awesome car! //thumb
PM: You would like to think that you've outwitted me, wouldn't you? What about the fact that it will take *days* to get to Texas in your car, whereas Nabut and I can get there in a matter of seconds?
wulfie & Schmoe: Oh....
PM: Furthermore, what makes you think that MSTBlanca will even be in Texas when you arrive? We'll move it as soon as we get there!!!!! Mwahahahaha!
Nabut: My lipeachpige, we can't move MSTBlanca. It's falling apart and will take weeks to bring it up to traveling co-- <stops when he notices that PM has turned towards him with a menacing look>
PM: <whispering> *I* know that, *you* know that, but these two idiots don't need to know that!
Nabut: Oh. <loudly> Erm, I seem to have made an error in my calculations! MSTBlanca will be ready to move upon our arrival!
Schmoe: Oh please, spare us your f***ing theatrics. We know you're going to be working on that dump for weeks before you get it in moveable condition. And we plan to be there before then to get my comic books! HA!
<Schmoe and wurwolf hop into the black VW beetle. Wurwolf revs the engine!>
Schmoe: Kit, to Weatherford, Texas! Make it so!
wulfie: You're really creeping me out, hon. <turns to PM and Nabut, smiling> Welp, see ya at MSTBlanca, motherf***ers!
<wurwolf pops the clutch, steps on the gas and they're off!>
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2245
Lita: Now that you're sane, Mickey
Date: 06/16/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
We have a surprise for you!
Mickey: Hmmmmmmm....Would it have anything to do with the fact that I've now noticed that everyone else is gone?
Lita: Mmmmm....probably not. Just get your ass into Spidey and let's go.
(One lentghy drive later)
Mickey: o/'It was a beautiful dayyyyyyy!!!! o/'
Lita: No, it wasn't. (Under her breath) Why the hell did we choose to have this thing all the way across the country? (Normal volume) We're here!!!
Mickey (reading the sign): "Come here to roast Mickey". YOU'RE GOING TO EAT ME????!!!!!!
Lita: No, no...you're too fattening.
Mickey: Wha?!! (Starts crying)
Lita: Oh, come on you big baby....this is just a celebration of how happy we are to have you back.
(Inside at the roast, SYLC Chick comes out on stage)
SYLC: Welcome to the first ever GROPE roast!
(Crowd applauds)
Mickey (Looks around): Where'd they come from? Have there been that many people in the rp?
Lita: No, it's mostly just seat fillers. Oh, hey, hold on...(Lita gets up, a seat filler takes her place. Lita goes to the stage)
Mickey: Who are you?
Gil: Gil
Mickey: Oh.....
SYLC: And now here's someone who needs no introduction (Lita walks onto the stage)
Audience member: Who the hell is that?!
SYLC: *sigh* Carmelita9000!!!
Tork (sitting next to that audience member): From my bracelet. See?
(Audience applauds)
Lita: Thank you, thank you. We're here tonight to honor a man who has meant less to this country then Bill Clinton's sweatsocks.
Mickey: Hey!
Lita: A guy who's so incredibbly stupid that...
Mickey: What the hell?!
Gil: Shhh....Hey, check out her knees!
Lita: That he makes Carrot Top look like Einstein.
Mickey (Storms onto the stage): Now wait just a darn minute!
Lita: Mickey, I kid. I kid, because you're a big jerk. Now sit down and shutup while we relive some of thr most shameful moments of your life.
Mickey: Oh....ok.
(Mickey sits in a chair next to the host. A big tv screen shows clips of Mickey getting his pants pulled down by Sunday, being beaten up by Lita and Rimmi, getting hit on the head by Cow, dressed as a bunny, and a colorful montage of the times he got punched by Evil Mike)
(Audience applauds as the film stops)
Lita: We would've included more of Mickey being stupid, but we ran out of film.
(Audience laughs)
Lita: And now, I'd like to hand it off to my friend and yours, the Elderly Gender-bender, Grandmapa!
(Gramps walks out on stage. The audience waits patiently, as this takes a while. Gramps finally steps up to the microphone)
Gramps: *Ahem* (Loud feedback comes from the mike). This whippersnapper reminds me a lot of that dummy Christopher Columbus. In 1787, he set out to prove that the world was round. We never heard from him again, untill he got that delightful tv show where he was a detective. I liked that show. Anyway, everyone knows that the world is flat and Mickey thinks it's round, just like Columbo. Thank you. (Audience applauds but Gramps doesn't get off the stage, he just fall asleep. Two security guards finally escort him off.)
SYLC: Well, thank you Grandmapa, for that....for that...for that thing! (Audience applauds) Now Mickey, please turn your attention to the screen. Some people who know you well who couldn't make it have something to say to you!
Abe on a Big Wheel: Hey Mickey, sorry I couldn't be there. Where's that 20 bucks you owe me, you bastard?
(Next clip)
Sister: Congratulations on your sanity Mickey!!!
Brother: Nothing you know about, sis.
(Nest clip)
Alf: Hey Mickey!! Now where's my 2 dollar appearance fee?
Director: We'll mail it to you.
(Next clip)
Mickey: Hey me!!!!!
Mickey (The one on stage): The hell?
(Film ends, audience applauds. The evening goes on with more festivities. Rimmi uses Mickey for a demonstration on how not to handle swords properly, 6969 ties him to a chair while Tork holds a bowl of soup to his face and taunts him, Joe Don Baker reveals just how many times he's arrested Mickey, and Cara tells the story of the time she used to date Mickey and how when he broke up with her, she swore off men forever).
SYLC: And now, to end the evening, Evil Mike!!!!
(The audience applauds yet again. Evil Mike walks out on stage and immediatly runs to Mickey and starts punching him. With each punch, the audience's applause get louder and louder)
SYLC: Well, that's it! Good night everybody!! (Starts singing "Shine Your Love")
Lita: Wow. That was great!!
Rimmi: I think Evil Mike should've punched Mickey more.
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Well, at least I didn't get eaten.
#2246
wow! It's been six replies since...
Date: 06/17/2002
From: Tork_110
-------------------------------------
...Lita contributed to the story. I know, it's shocking. Next thing you know, she'll disappear like Dampy Grampy. :op
I am *not* wasting a reply!
#2247
[PM] Are they gone yet?
Date: 06/17/2002
From: PharaohMobius
#2248
THE HELL?!?!?!?
Date: 06/17/2002
From: PharaohMobius
#2249
Test
Date: 06/17/2002
From: PharaohMobius
#2250
Okay, one more test...
Date: 06/17/2002
From: PharaohMobius
#2251
I WANT SOME SOUP!!!
Date: 06/17/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
#2252
Beware the haunted no text!!!
Date: 06/17/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
#2253
Oh, poopie! Did the rp break?
Date: 06/17/2002
From: Carmelita9000
#2254
Oops, I spilled Soda on the rp...
Date: 06/17/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
Poot!
#2255
Hey! The word 'Poot' fixed the rp!
Date: 06/17/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
Yeah, thanx phigment, where ever you are for creating the word... 'POOT'!
The rp is saved. No need to thank me for using the word 'poot' to fix it.
#2256
Hey, no fair!!!! :(
Date: 06/17/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Why does STG get text? I want text! Please?
#2257
:o) Ok, that's better!
Date: 06/17/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
*NO TEXT*
#2258
I have a feeling...
Date: 06/17/2002
From: Tork_110
that I'm going to get blamed for this.
#2259
Damn you, Tork!!
Date: 06/17/2002
From: Dumbschmoe
I blame you for this!! //smile
fw!!
socks
#2260
Oh yay!!! It's fixed!!!
Date: 06/17/2002
From: Carmelita9000
------------------------------------------------------------
So when is PM gonna post the rest of the reply he was trying to do? When, when, when??? He's taking forever!
:o)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
#2261
[PM] So, are they gone yet? (try 2)
Date: 06/17/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Master Criminal Mode>>>
[Nabut] Yes, my Pleagepit. Why do you ask?
[PM chuckles wickedly] Watch! [He pushes a button on his fancy-schmancy wristwatch, and MSTBlanca appears next to the crater that once was the assylum.]
[Nabut, doing a double-take] B-WHA?!? But I thought... but... the readings said...
[PM] Yeah yeah, I know, Texas.
[Nabut] But how is it possible? The readings indicated one thing, but the bar is here?
[PM] Eh, it's simple, really. You were reading the location of the Hyperreality Accelerator Relocation Drive. *That* is in Texas. The bar ended up here.
[Nabut] So you knew this all along?
[PM] Yep, pretty much.
[Nabut] Forgive me for asking, Mp-- boss, but... why? Why didn't you let that Schmoe guy just go in and get his comic books?
[PM] Because I haven't read them yet!
[Nabut] You teed off Wurwolf and Schmoe, the first two people who were actually interested in being your allies, and sent them halfway across the country just so you could read Schmoe's comic books?
[PM] Hey, he has good taste. Besides, do you know how expensive comic books are these days?
[Nabut] You bring in untold amounts of money through the activities of your criminal empire, and you're worried about how much comic books cost?
[PM] I didn't get to be the wealthiest Master Criminal in the world by spending money when I didn't have to.
[Nabut] I take it that's why all of our condiments are in little packets, why our soap comes in those little hotel bars, and all the towels are stamped "property of Holliday Inn"?
[PM] That's about the size of it.
[Nabut] Oh, brother. Are you going to go steal suckers from little kids next?
[PM] I am *not* stealing Schmoe's comics! I'm just keeping them until I've read them. Then I'm giving them back.
[Nabut] And when were you planning on giving them back? The next Christmas party?
[PM] *No*, mister Pessimist Pete. I should have them all read by the time they get to Texas.
[Nabut] And how, praytell, do you plan on getting to Texas? That's where the bar's relocation drive is. While *we*, I might add, are *here*.
[PM chuckles.] Ah, Nabut my friend. You forget that as a Pulp Villain, I have untold resources. How soon you forget... THE HELICARRIER!!!1! [He presses another button on his ooh-la-la wristwatch, and a ginormous, aircraft-carrier sized helicopter descends from the sky. It lowers steel cables down which connect to anchor poins on the roof of the bar.]
[Nabut] Damn, I *did* forget the Helicarrier. I must be slipping.
[PM] Don't worry about it, old chap. You've been through a lot in the last while, what with being captured, tortured, and mentally-conditioned by GROPE.
[Nabut] I suppose so, my liepeachpitge. And speaking of which... [He looks at PM's hat and spits on him.]
[PM] Hey! You did that on purpose!
[Nabut] Did not! You know I can't help it!
[PM] Yeah. Just like I can't help *this*! [He takes out a billy club and smacks Nabut upside the head.]
[Nabut] OW!!! That was uncalled for!
[PM] Damn right it was! You yourself said I needed to start being more villain-like!
[Nabut, rubbing his head.] Yes. To *other* people.
[PM] Beggars can't be choosers.
[They enter MSTBlanca, which is then hauled up into the belly of the Helicarrier. The Helicarrier then heads off in the general direction of Texas.]
TmPM
Whoo! An actual RP reply!
Sarcophagus!
#2262
Oh Lita!!!
Date: 06/22/2002
From: Tork_110
<Time out>---------------------------------
<When Lita opens the reply, she gets gatorade dumped on her.>
Whoooo! I'm not wasting a reply!
<Tork throws some "<"s at PM and Mickey>
Wheee! Starting a fight outside the rp is fun!
<Tork throws a water balloon at wurwolf and runs away from this reply>
Next up: Lita is attacked by...Lita?
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